The European Commission has
just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language
of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of
the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan
that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will
replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should
klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced
with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage
the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the
language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl
wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
And zen world!