Definitions
Feudalism: You
have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sells you milk.
Nazism: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoots you.
Liberalism: You have two cows. State dosen't care whether you exist, let alone your cows.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell
one to raise money to pay the taxes.
The people for whom you voted then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it
to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
Bureaucratic Communism:
You have two cows.
State takes both of them and gives you as much milk as the regulations say you
should need.
Bureaucracy: You
have two cows.
State regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both cows, shoots one,
milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
CAPITALISM,
AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN
STYLE You have
two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY,
AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one,
milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN
CORPORATION You
have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do
an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts
stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH
CORPORATION You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch
and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE
CORPORATION You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN
CORPORATION You
have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN
CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN
CORPORATION You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn
you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn
you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
have.
TALIBAN
CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them
and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI
CORPORATION You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH
CORPORATION You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.
FLORIDA
CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best
looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell
you which is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA
HAPPY COWS Crowd herd of happy fun loving cows into a small dirt lot.
Feed cows
weeds.
Hire Hollywood to show commercial of HAPPY COWS in green pastures.
Smoke
weed left over from cow feeding.
Make millions selling "HAPPY MILK.