Be warned Trespassers will be shot at, hunted, maimed and tortured.....  Survivors will be prosecuted.

End of introduction .......

It's that time of year again..... Yes THAT time. twilight zone here we come with or without the funny music. but still aren't we lucky to have built in shark warning systems ...I never go swimming in water that drones at me... Mind you I don't go swimming in bees that drone at me either... And that was before I heard of Jaws. This is really a portfolio I will probably add to it and print it out before I go ..Like the ducks crossing the road.

I could start writing about ever so quick brown foxes and slightly lazy dogs in order to improve my typing but that is not my present intention.

Speaking of intentions or even presents I have to get a rather large watch for Cathy...I might as well I can't think of any thing else except.....

It' 15th Sep. 1989

That was in case I actually have a printout  and am wondering when or even if I wrote this. The current situation is that I am doing the questions in the training manual for the third time Except that I am now stopping for a cup of coffee to see how much I remember.

This is a totally foreign piece of text. Comment allez vous, Ich bin Ira Comme est a which appeared fridge like from nowhere in order (two pints of lager and a big Mac please) to push the next bit (or half a byte... I hope there is no worm )onto another page. Notice also how I no longer misspell the word lager. That comes from working in Guinness as do I everyday evening except of course Saturdays and Sundays.

It's hard to think that intelligent people can converse in these languages as if the were 'Natural' languages GOTO the shop



            RETURN HOME



                SELECT cabbage


                IF price LESS THAN LOPRICE

                    SELECT 2 Cabbages


                    slag off Shopkeeper





The worst thing about paper clips is....

                                   Please fill in a 1,000 word essay. Not a Paper cut, a Paper clip

Another week Yes it's Monday and I'm awake....well I did say it was the twilight zone. Big brother is watching me but I think he's pleased well as pleased as a one eyed eye can be considering the state of opinions in England...but we won't Summer days are better...gentle and considerate.

Speaking of consideration i.e. law how much does a faulty pair of shoes cost and for how long or does it depend on how big your feet are {break for double entendre}...It's the thought that counts.  1. 2. 3. 4. .........  } Any one heavy into acting can also break a leg if they wish. Speaking of dreams or rather referring to dreams I had a very funny one last night but I won't write it as I might forget it and then wonder if it's really me who's writing this !!! If you get my aerial.sorry Drift.

8 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference said their cats preferred it. The other two were aligned to the ISPCA....Cat branch.

Cats do climb trees don't they. I really wonder why. Maybe because they're there and the number 46A usually isn't. I've never personally seen a cat climb a 46A... Mind you I've never seen a DOG (as in canine) climb a 46A either so I suppose they're even...Not Odd like us speaking schizophrenically of course.

Well as they say...time passes as does food but not in the same way of course.  It's a totally different story altogether!!!!! but lets not get into the guts of that matter.

Maybe we should split a few hairs or even rabbits if you like rabbit stew And you could certainly sink a pint of harp if you had a pint of harp...or even some warm milk!!!!!!

No more talk about cows climbing busses....It's bad for the back and even worse at the front. Speaking of war   did you know that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

<-------- wartime censorship....... not much butter around either...It was all in square blocks. Or Should I say Kerry gold. the question is always puzzling. But then again so is a jigsaw puzzle. There you have wartime rationalisation But lets not be rational when it's much nicer and more fun to be totally irrational an you can get fatter as well!!!!!

Some wells are very deep indeed. And some deeds are very well done. That's how I like my Hamburgers....Very well done. I don't agree with this Soignée idea at all. If you want raw meat just go to a butchers don't bother about ordering it at a restaurant. Small reference to Caitriona who should be coming home within a week.

It wouldn't sound so good in English. Could I have a bleeding steak.  Mind you it keeps the vampires away!!!!!! IT'S TUESDAY Which means no eating crunchies without thinking of the end of the week !!!!!

But then again Friday is also crisp & dry day which isn't to say it won't rain or even that it will rain which again can cause confusion. Confucius say Helen Ní Mhoracháin I've Just discovered the compose Characters. |



Well enough of that and back to the more serious business. or as the say in the movies.......CUT.

There goes plan A (Where?? don't ask there are no beanos ...or m & m's around and I'm not saying that they are square either)ah well as we all know plan A by it's very nature of being first doesn't usually work or at least if it does then not very well the same can also be said about version 1.00 !!!!!

Mind you people can live in some very funny places but it is really best not to live in a glass house if you have to practice throwing wellies indoors all the time. !!!! this is the way or maybe that's the way it happens. Another sign post !!

Or as they say on the tubes in London......WAY OUT!!!!!

Midwok = small reference there for all you German fans!!!! I wonder where all the frauline trapper sheets have gone are they now being circulated far and wide or even long??? Is somebody adding to them. If so I would like to see version 2.00!!!!! It's amazing what a fertile mind can think of even in times of stress. But then again so is grace. I met grace the other day but of course I know her as Gráinne....The Irish influence. Thank goodness they didn't change my name for there is enough confusion in our house with Áine alias.....

Maybe it's just as well because then if and when she changes her name as those people do she'll have a few to choose from.

Well Jen's d-day is getting close too close as far as a certain head dress is concerned..  But what can you do....If you want to get a head raid a field or is that a turnip. It's the same anyway as soon as you put the carrot in the middle which is not to be confused with sprouts which come out in abundance at this time of year as do students and spots or is that the same thing? Maybe you can clear a cell but can you buy actol on a Sunday. an bhuil cead agam.

Jen had her d-day The wedding was great. The head dress looked o.k.and the pictures came out wonderful. If you wait around enough you never know what might develop.I have been looking through this 'piece of prose' for want of a better description and I see that I have left something out namely sugar and bread so I shall endeavour to include them here we go...

Money is very sweet   Here we go here we go, here we go here we go here we go-oh.

I don't like to start a song and then not finish it.

I think that the very idea of hunger strikes is terrible. Especially when you think of all those people dying because they have NOTHING to eat and Nothing not to eat either. This means that they can never go on a hunger strike.

How can you eat out at ch....if you're on a hunger strike.....

Excuse me...Waiter    Waiter

Yes Sir (Sarah)

Do you have any special, super duper pizzas today..... Well we have the super pizza a la king or the queen's duper pizza  OK I wont have a queen's duper pizza and I'll have no chocolate pancake to follow with definitely no coffee with no cream at all!!!!!

Your order will be served soon sir thank you no, Thank you, no thank you.

HALF an hour ago I put the kettle on...and it didn't fit. I don't think it's my size anyway I put the kettle to boil as they say and then I forgot all about it. The kettle is nearly cold by now so I might go up and turn it on again.....Hello kettle. Haven't I seen you somewhere what say we go and blow some fuses together somewhere......

Failing being able to turn the kettle on, I might just switch the knob and let it boil away itself....You know how these house/office appliances can get all steamed up about nothing. All the better to be able to produce a crease less skirt at short notice. I not saying that it would be much noticed if it were long either. Maxies aren't in these days anyway. No wonder I couldn't turn the kettle on. It's also very hard to draw the curtains. They are very lacking in conversation I suppose it comes from hanging round the same place for long periods of time. And now the end is near and so I face..I couldn't resist it!!!!! So much for will power. Speaking about split apples when is Italian day going to be on.   Should I get My Mafia Hat out in readiness. Does anyone Know where I can get hold of a violin case????? Do you think the violin will win? you never know in Irish courts Mind you it rains too much for a proper match They get soggy and won't light Well now it's really near....Today is Wednesday. I was going to write to Denise in Birmingham to see if the English life has changed her but if it has then I wonder who would I be writing to.  This makes writing to myself whose humour is constant with my own humour a very intelligent move. Unless as before I read this ditty after a while and my versions don't match any more ! I wonder if smarties really have the answers or do the just say anything and nobody knows whether they're right or not.

Are there going to be any more of those matches that I'm meant to know all about when I don't ....There’s another wonder. This is just wonderful.

And for a bit of culture here's another wonder........HINT  : WALK LIKE A FRENCH EGYPTIAN.

A long time later - 23rd Oct 1989. I find myself with a bit of time and nothing to do nothing that is except write this letter. 10 days to W day. and only four days before my break.  The menus are progressing. I rang Kevin & Michael last night. I'm at John's desk.     

All is quite on the western front. We had a collared visitor in the shape of uncle Leo giving cleachtaí gaeilge and running through the readings. This is the way. Yes I know I told you a different way earlier but times and ways Bob Dylan might say but that has nothing to do with Maggie's farm. Then again maybe it has . It used to be fit to work on. This is where I draw a few cows but luckily I don't know how!!!!!!!!  In which case I just ask How Now Brown Cow. And there's an end to it. As there is to all good or even bad cows or else where does all that stuff we stand in come from...Don't answer that. After lunch every thing looks different, Well darker anyway.

And there’s More… Culture that is this mi my FAVOURITE poem of all time. Another Poem

                      (   )

                      (   )

                      (   )

some of the Michelin man !¡¡!It looks like yellow curtains or cushion covers are going to be in or me out for the wedding of the year!!!! I Hope it goes with purple.

Yes to go with the occasion what better than ...You've probably guessed this a purple heart (Disguised of course).

Will we ever get to Version : this is nearly correct ?????¿¿¿Or will these meat hooks ever work on real meat. Can bananas hang from sharp knives without turning into banana splits? Can you do a proper walk over without doing the splits mid air ????. Can you do any sort of walkover?

THIS WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE BUT I moved it so it might not be in context with it's surroundings so bear with me if you can and keep this picture in mind until you find the appropriated text.

And now a little ditty in commemoration of me getting my own terminal back.  With extra desk space and all. Where there was only one desk in my room now there are four . One for my terminal, One for Adreinne's terminal, one for the PC and another one that just stands there looking nice.!!!!

What else can be done to a desk. I suppose one could bring it to the late late show an say it cost fifty pounds and then fix it up. There is actually allot of that going on. And I don't mean woodworm.MAYBE IT'S AN Aunty Wave. That was a micro wave but you probably didn't see it !!!!!!!!!!

14/11/89 I was late not 2 or three minutes but allot late.!!!! I woke up at 8:05. I usually get up at 6:30 or maybe 6:45 if I'm feeling lazy. I tried to work out what day it was but a little voice at the back of my mind kept hinting that it had to be a week day and that I was late!!!!! Sure enough it's Tuesday. I feel wrecked Yes even after an extra hour and a half in bed. This is how I as when I'm asleep. Helen BC i.e. before her second cup of coffee. Before my first cup of coffee I can't type.         



There will be another bowling session on Thursday the 7th of December but I will be in College so I won't be there. Maybe I'll be in time for pizza. Adrienne has left. I tried to call her last night but she wasn't in.  Better luck next time. Marc was surprisingly clever. Decision Tables are what I am doing in college at the moment. And now for something completely different. How about an apple or are the Beatles too old fashioned to be mentioned on this high tech script.  If this is the script I don't want to see the movie. Or maybe I do If Tom Cruise is in it or if it's funny. That would be a very short decision table. I could normalise it but then it wouldn't be Special any more.


It's not slow at all. talking about busses on day the 21 is going to knock me down...or so the story goes and It’s not unlikely as I haven't seen a 21 bus ever and so I might not recognise it if it Did get close enough to knock me down. I Agree it looks more like a 46A But I Can't be perfect all the time. WELL MAYBE I can but I don't like to show off to much... Oh lord it's so hard, But I don't mind as I have a cushion... all perfect people are prepared for anything.

 And I don't see any cats trying to climb that bus, Maybe its going the wrong way. It may be a slow boat, It's definitely a very slow bus during working hours.  Did you hear about the 46A that left the Terminus on time for every run that day??????

Well neither did I. We must be in the wrong company, Although the Educational company didn't have Hopscotch C When I needed it, and it's probably out of print by now.


And I got another letter from Nick before You Know it I'll  Have the Whole Alphabet Including Delta ,gamma etc. 


If this was a mail bag this bit is a cul de sac.


WARNING: Watch out for files which were not intended to be here arriving fridge like out of nowhere. I am housekeeping bringing all 'txt' files into one leaving sql command files on their own and easy to distinguish. Just a quick Disguise. A pair of glasses and a funny nose. We inturrupt this program to bring you very strange fridge from nowhere


DOMINO EFFECT WISE : It says if I can Knock 1 domino And if all the dominoes are within reach of each other, Then I can knock all the dominoes after the one I knocked. Or else you could just have a friendly game between friends, And THEN knock the Dominoes all over the table when you lose. It's more fun that way


Oh No Zanussi are at it again. But what can we see through the square

window even if it has been cleaned.

Dear   HELEN,

Unfortunately, we have (in a day) gone into liquidation and no longer trade in days (30 days credit).  This means that if you buy in bulk, you get a special offer of 30 days (7 days, no charge option).

However,  HELEN, this is all history as we now are closed for days. I myself, will be stealing this mass mail lettering system and will be setting up a new company based on what was an extremely promising antique days section.

If you have, HELEN, or any of your friends have any spare days for sale, I would like to hear from you.  The most interesting items currently available are listed in our catalogue (enclosed)


Managing Director

Lazy Hazy Days Ltd.

Autumn '89 Catalogue

1. Old. - I have a number of totally unused days from the life of one Michael Riney, from the years 1956, 1961, 1962. Featuring mainly the months July and August these totally unused days are of extreme value to one who would like to have a summer holiday in the near future. They are as new (could do with a slight   polish) due to the fact that the above mentioned Mr Riney was only a twinkle in his fathers eye at the time.

   SPECIAL BONUS OFFER - Two twinkling eyes.

All of the above days have to be sold in one lot as they would be of little use to one who had only some Can we just imagine buying one day from July and one from august and being first in Madasgar and then the following day,(assuming that one uses them right away) doing a novena for rain in Knock. These are some of the unrevealed delights in the above mentioned days.

2. Four sick leave days and 76 annual leave days from the Neil Diamond era of the seventies.  The sick leave days are not very sick and the leave days have left.  These have been generously donated by an ex Guinness employee who now thinks he is a rabbit and spends all his time in the salad bar eating drunk turnips and liquid beverages. Drop in for a few stiches?¿ or just a Beer


3. EXTREMELY VALUABLE 2 days in the north strand in 1943, cleaning  up the rubble from the bombings It is important to be these days.Clothes will do. These exquisite items will be demonstrated by an ex-service red  cross man.The END. Who made the Man Cross? Was it the Chicken?


Well I'm back I'm also front. There's more to me that is visible at first sight.....Especially if I have my shoes on.  We won't go into that again as it tends to get smelly after a while ~~~~~~~~. Speaking of startreck, well Uncle really but its all the same thing I had to Chechov a load of numbers on divisional summary and I find that the Russians have a hand in every where. The Swiss and Germans also have allot of Hans, But the Swiss sell more.


I went looking for coffee. There was none. I waited till Dorothy arrived, Minus the expected coffee. I went to buy some coffee down the road. There was none.

THIS ITEM IS INDEED Based on true facts and does reflect on the life of the person mentioned. This could happen to you, but only if you have a bus pass or total disregard for financial  Matters. Speaking of which Uncleo and Auntie     Gaeile did a great Play for us the night before Aine's Wedding. Now that deserves a cup of Coffee...Or Tea.

I hopped on a bus that brought me up the road to look for coffee. There was none. I waited for a bus to go across town. After a while there was one. I felt lucky. I looked for coffee across town. I found some. I bought two just in case  I also found Biscuits. I didn't have to wait for a bus to go uptown, as there was one arriving. I waited for a bus to get me back where I started. There was one after a while. I got back to where I started and looked for coffee. There was some already there. There are now three jars of coffee here. So I made a cup of coffee, took some biscuits, and am eating and drinking until there's none left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH MEANS that in the end you'll always have a gritty or a dirty cup, especially if the water is not too sterilised to begin with. I suppose the fact that something can grow in the water coming out of  your tap is a good sign, but it is now very encouraging to see what should be invisible to the naked eye growing on a cup left to soak or even washed and not dried.  Dried coffee is a good idea in certain cases, though ordinary instant coffee is usually more tasty. I wonder how they peg the coffee up on the line  And what has our feline friend got to say about being pinched all over the place. It must be a cat burglar.

And so another problem is solved except that nobody else knows that there's a problem. Where will it all end. Will bricks be used to build the wall or are we going to have to mix the concrete all over again. For answers to these and many other questions join us (if you have a welding iron handy) for the next exciting and unforgettable episode  of..... of..... of...

I told you to stop jumping on that rubber duck. It'll go flat, which  are very hard to find in London. And so saying I must state that you'd better have your tires pumped up in London as the Tubes are most  likely on Strike.

Which also brings us back to doh....No sorry Family. Where is the Video of Aine's Wedding? Wouldn't I like to Know...Probably stolen by the individual who killed Roger Rabbit. Killed by over exposure to Home Videos !!!!!!

The backup is still running but I'm not. 30/11/89 doesn't time fly? Maybe it sees pussy on the 46A, or maybe it's afraid to look down, not being Super-Time. (or tea time, dinner time, Lunch time.....).Although it's always coffee time....By the Helen N M book of rules, and pencils. I haven't used up one lead yet in my new pencil and it's not for want of trying. I have completed all questions in 6 chapters of Complete Maths 4, and am in the middle of two other chapters.

I went to London to visit Lucy and Gearóid just before the expected birth. But Niall who was Born on the 19th of Jan 1990 was making such an effort to be born on my birthday that he was two weeks late…. And for me just two days late because I had returned to Ireland two days previous.

Weeks have gone by (it's amazing what you can teach to talk these days.) I've become an Auntie, a year older, enters into another decade, been to the GGSI sales conference, spent a few days in London, had interviews AND a presentation at college and worked allot since 30/11. It is now the 6th of February 1990. How is that for a time warp, Oh yes Christmas came and went as well... I must have blinked, at least I thought I blinked but I must not have as my eyes are still open despite the laws of gravity, I can't be grave as I'm just not that sort of person. Breda had a baby as well and she will call him Justin.

Next week we are meant to be bringing January up to date that means another weekend in. At least the presentation is over for now, I'll have to find out what phase 3,4 & 5 are about.                   ...

One small step ..... January went live !!!!!!!!!.

today is 14/02/90. We left work at 3.30 Sunday night/Monday morning and our stats are now the live ones. At the moment they are the only thing in this building that is live.

Paper folding here I come. I went to college for Monday but not for long. I left before KC arrived

NO College last night we had a 'tam' get together instead DFD's, LDM's and son on I'm not sure what any of it achieved I think I'll have to work out the matrix again. I'ts enough tom make a Maltese cross, but not enough to glue it together.

And now for a word from our sponsors. VEHICLE

(well I think it's a lovely word)

Next step is constats that's today 23-2-90 one of these days/dates time will be standardised and we will all know how late we are at any given time. Which brings us back to the beginning of this @£$@£&*@!!!

Constats was very interesting. Mind you the computers they come on are even more interesting again.  Nearly tiny units with huge memory. as the nipper said stuck inside one of the million million......cells which go into Making on bulb or even the SUN (or daughter) But it's  too late now as they have let him go a with him goes a pretty catchy song....Free eee eee nelson......... no more of that thank you very much!!! Where were we?

They must be Micro elephants.

So much for that I was never much good at embroidery. I wonder if that apron will ever get finished, Or will it be forever clean and much less.  This is yet another eternally unanswered question which will be added to the list which includes : What IS the meaning of life, How DO they get the figs into the fig rolls?????


How many times have I repeated myself so far?

How many times have I repeated myself so far?

How many times have I repeated myself so far?


So I went to the Castle Club Dinner dance. Great crack was had by all (as in fun). There were four of us in mourning hogging the dance floor  for the first hour then some other people woke up an joined in. I looked at my watch expecting it to be 11 o' clock but it was 10 to 1. Time was Really flying.  I said I had great fun. The Chocolate Fritter rolls turned up and were duly and speedily consumed, What else can you do with A Chocolate fritter roll?



I just went looking for 'TEH's....And I didn't find any...My spelling must be getting better.

I must send out roving reporter out to find out about the hockey match I missed Last Friday, I hope it went as well as the Dinner Dance, But  with GGSI Bringing the Beer and GIIS bringing the sandwiches how could it not???


What I want to know is where did the cucumber disappear to and can you draw a picture with a carrot. It depends on whether the carrot is artistic.

I still have to get copies of the wedding video ,,,,,by the way it's the 26th of FEB 1990. MONDAY Tomorrow is pancake Tuesday and the day after that is ash Wednesday..Start of lent, No more sweets until Easter says she munching her caramel at 9:00 am.

I have to sort out my overtime as I am being paid 1 3/4 times hours by hourly rate but I don't have an hourly rate so it comes out as 0 there's High tech I blame the computers!!

NOW  Here we are again.....  7th April 1990....

Month end is in progress we are importing the Right Outlet Report called outlet_summary from our dump file from where I forgot to bring it back  before....It takes allsorts, Or even bernie bassett.

I Went to visit Kierans abode the day before Yesterday...His Thirtieth Birthday was Yesterday and I wouldn't see him ...Needless to say he wasn't in.  Michael answered the door, I dropped off his present and left This is the shoe episode in case I remember it.... My boots have to be put to rest as did my feet Thursday....Today is Saturday.

Three feet being a yard I think I'll invest in a Back garden or a Shovel then I can bury my broken boots. Mam said I could get them fixed But they just wouldn't be the same...Talking of trees I wish I could claim back our tree with the House/ Plank of wood in it.

That's bad grammar but I don't really care.

I know a man who can ....But can he Can Can He Can if he's a bachelor.  Which brings up back to the quest for the holy grain, What have monthy Python and Sean Connery with Harrison ford got in Common ?????

Who said they were common ?

SEE THE TREE how big it's grown, And no more talk about honey, even though Sunday is OK now.....Gearóid is arriving, My nephew in hand on Thursday. Great fun will be had by all I should be on my break by then as we have no College regular classes after that...Just exams and projects.

well today is Tuesday you can work the rest out for yourself. I think jig saws are easier but Joe's a dab hand at the cryptic Times crosswords...No I Don't mean cursing.

TWO power failures in one day ,,,,.... Maybe because of the ups since I'm not a Londoner. Gearóid might be half one since his son is but Niall doesn't have an accent yet so I can't tell !!!!!

and the lord said.........

hans,hans,hans,hans....Many hans..........

And I have to write to Paul in German....!!!!!

WELL LOTTO land has started in the form of a form to input lotto numbers.  All is well in the world and I am doing a bit of touch typing.  It is much easier than playing the piano by ear.

And I found my camera...Pictures will be due Thursday Morning. Incidentally I have Friday off...It must be good Behaviour since college won't start till 6:30 I must ring and change grinds to earlier.  Now find the Thousand words!

This is called waiting one and a half hours for Kieran. Guess who hasn't  got her swimming togs in today. Good Night.!!!!!¡And the saga continues. Maybe later I will ring home and tell them that I will be home late.

And there's more it's the 8th of June 1990..... Friday night and I am still here at 8:00 .... home looks far away, not that I can really see that far from here since most of Guinness (No beer comes near) is in the way.

I have decided in my wisdom that smarties no longer have the answer but have put it into a table which they have erased, table -- Not as in stool or chair but more like rows,columns,records etc.....

I should really draw a chair or table but I have to draw the line somewhere Taking about lines I did a picture today which has no lines, It's just as well as the zoo is miles away We are sorry for this interruption from an outside command file and we will endeavour to bring you your usual picture as soon as possible.

It is hard to believe that GOD is on our side when GODau050 takes at least four runs...and counting and keeps bombing out

Not like those Japanese suicide bombers that I can't spell. There is not much I can spell with confidence so I suppose I ought not get involved with Black Magic ( I was going to say "the Occult" but I'm not sure if it's spelt right and that might have ruined the sense of the sentence).

Like Six long years on bread and water which must get very very soggy after a while ?????

How long is 50 Minutes ???? Answer: 6 Hours every body knows that Me's very mad at the moment or even 21600 secs.


_____    ( SEC (x)).




3300 IS NOT PROVIDING Oracle services at the moment. The 6320 is not providing AnyTHING at the moment which leaves me with a moment to write trivia in here TRIVIA IN HERE.


We'll call this bit 'Early morning Greens' As I am using a Green monitor and it is well before 9:00.


I've been away (There's probably a song about that but I won't elaborate) in Corfu for two Which I suppose is better than being forty shades of green, to by in keeping with the theme of this section. I should crack a sick joke here to create  audience participation on the green theme but you'll just have to refer to previous sections.

WE Are now moving in the fast lane the month end is to be run quicker than it has ever run before an us with it. I've never worked in a wind tunnel before, I wonder do you get to change sides to even up. You could wash your hair on the way to work and then not worry about it !

AND There's more.... I was in late last night this means here we go again.  Another short long weekend... A long hot summer. It's getting hotter here in Dublin it's just as well we sell beer, hot dogs aren't doing very well at the moment or even hamburgers. I couldn't draw a hot dog. maybe that's why McDonalds is so well known, Hamburgers are easier to draw and big Mac is easier to spell along with the shell colours.

Another week passes slowly and not so shirley as I am trying to convince my hair that it is not curly, It's amazing what a little moose or even a big gnu will do to your hair.  Speaking of which or rather to which can you imaging the problems in trying to convince your hair of Any thing, Not least that it is Straight!!!!!.This is not helped by the fact that I had to spend three hours in a shop full of "hairy" people wearing curlers & a plastic bag in order to convince my hair it was curly in the first place.......

For the purpose of future communication I will now christen my hair,No I am not having a shower I am naming him for want of a different gender with an apt name.....HARRY.

August 1990

So Harry (You have already been introduced) also went another colour during my trip to Greece, While I got browner (all relative) Harry got whiter, or rather yellower !!!!!!!

Just to warn you.. or me really s I'm the one who'll be reading this through sometime, Prepare for an invasion of multiple choice.

Declan (THE student) is leaving!!!!!!!! We had a 'party upstairs......but he found out and turned up any way, W... Handed out compliments and presents and we were all sad... That we didn't get any. But it was OK. as we will all be spotty tomorrow...No not play acting .. too much cake. Did I forget to mention "fat and"

And so fair well..... No well  nöel nöel ... We wish you a merry.....Well I didn't start it anyway.

And  now for a word from our quiz show.


1.       Take the Test

2.       Analyse Answers


An Deireadh.     


I told you we'd be inVADED...... (I read the script).


Ode to Declan.

                        BYE DEC.


DEC...THE STUDENT AND SANDWICH CARRIER HAS LEFT And left Tom bereft with no midday snack to call his own, Three replacements have been found :


1. The carpet...sadly lacking in animation and imagination

2. the super 50 50 cash back....Too busy socialising to be of any  real use

3. The graduate....Way above the sandwich job (dar leis fein).


And so the search goes on ...and on   and...A bit like one of those  watches..

What happened to Tick, Tock that's what I want to Know.....Helen out (A Star Trek reference since I can see it in colour now...Yes I have a new telly.)

This is a Time Check (as opposed to tartan which tends to clash). It's the 12th of October 1990..... Connie and Dorothy had Birthdays yesterday but didn't tell anyone. I should probably be breaking this text now but I've decided to give that up for lent.....I like sweets too much. Don't worry since my will power ....Or the context of this text won't hold out for too long, Not that out WANTS to be held but that's just the way  things are....Some things will never change....

Major Hassle because Christmas is so near...No it's not the 24 th of December but the 18th of October 1990.....Such is life and life is very long indeed these days. I should be able to write that in German but I can't. By the way it will give me a chance to capitalise on all my Nouns.

Which reminds my I got this check for the telly I already bought and have to pay for by this time next Month,,,,,This is high finance and low (so low it's nearly not there at all) interest,

But if you're not you can leave now...Just because I don't put a picture in every five lines (I might if I could count to five) you tend to get bored if that is so just leave now and stop bothering me. I'm only trying to improve my typing. (she lied).

It's Friday.. It's really Friday as in greasy chips and no work tomorrow.  Stranger things can(and do frequently especially in months with g's in them) happen.

All XXXXXXXX is breaking loose soon Christmas will consist of more than one day off. No more baths in the near future anyway, speaking of star trek I had to have a double dose last night after German and so I'm slightly confused... as opposed to totally and utterly confused as is my normal state.....

And so the cod lost his ( or her) liver just in order to create jumping beans without the steel ball, An now that I come to mention it Jen ANCO or should I say fas are going to a hockey do. What does a hockey do????  I head you ask ...Well maybe that's what they are going to find out.  I must ask.

Date check ...23-oct-1990

non clashing date tartan.....Scottish saints day....oh It would be nice to be able to spell in some language without getting mixed up in Halloween...Which is fast approaching not like the dart this morning...But that's another story.

And so is this.

29-nov-90 The beginning of a new era... Micro vaxing through the 6320, with strange noises coming from a place you'd never expect strange noises to come from....Not very far from my desk. I've signed up for another year.  And I didn't even know that I was deaf, That's what comes from watching too much telly with the teletext going at the same time. But I suppose it's all culture or is that only foreign subtitles ??? That's REAL sign language.... No words needed at all, I wonder what sort of film they'd have if the moon went away again ????? I know it looks like the sun without all the lines but it's really a new moon. as opposed to a sad...(Blue) moon or a happy sun with  a hat!!!!  Which reminds me of OUR.. Song/wail no not the saving kind...The post office is too far away. The Sun Will get ahead anyway. You could say it's going up in the world, Round the world.

I'M CERTIFIED AGAIN and making people fat & spotty in the process. Maybe people will look more like turtles this way and it will become a fashion ... taking all the fun out of doughnuts.


THE CHRISTMAS party has happened. I am not really here. This should really be included in Twin Peeks as it feels pretty abstract.


8 Pine valley had another Party ...It's tough at the top but somebody, has to go to all the parties. Today is Christmas eve........ My beer is on the table waiting to be collected...I'm a pretty straight kind of person

This is the RB period..... small pun, I'm in the middle of unravelling tx_date,posting_date,period,date_created........cuddly toy Speaking of which I got a teddie for my Birthday...The cuddly variety.

I've been & gone & been & gone and now I'm back again. for a While. it's 21-FEB-1991. The snooker league is in motion which is more than can be said about.....?(fill in appropriate name).

People are leaving & growing old. The case is over which I suppose can be compared to the cow moon wise. (See old moon sketch).

Major housekeeping going on...I should know the German for that.....disks and databases are being swapped....Told you version 1.00 doesn't last long. Fonts are not so very good either

The Table Quiz must be mentioned. How many legs on a table, How big must a table be to be classified a Dinner table, Or does it depend on usage??

What is the difference between a snooker table and a cup of coffee???

What is a coffee table? What is a decision table? Do you know your ten times tables?

How many tables does it take to go round the underground. How big is the Sales History Item Table with 26 Months?

How many bottles fall off when you sit on a table ?

We Lost. Two teams went through to goal which is on the 25th of March.

DEIRDRE Who made the mistake of sitting in Kevin's chair is leaving. Kevin is coming back. These are two totally coincidental happenings., Nothing to do with teeth. Or ARE they? Is there a big plan? Is Kevin's chair unstable when he's not there on purpose? Did "THE CHAIR" [as we now call it] arrange for Deirdre to get a permanent job with the VHI?

Also on the same theme we have more DCU students, LIVELY DCU students.

16-APR-1991:08:52:46 Another six months of ?????????

RB IS A P ain IN T he R ear/ B ehind. Smithwicks has stolen my biscuit buyer.Hockey, Football, & bowling Season is BACK.

There is another international in a beer mountain. I can't fit in any more beer on my top shelf. This means 32 bottles. Poor orphan bottles with no-one to love them. AHHHHHHHHHHH. STRIKE... A MATCH & LIGHT A CANDLE. Yes We have an ESB strike on our hands... This five Hours of darkness was brought to you by.......


Also Morse code no longer holds any secrets. They kept falling through the dots & dashes.

 _ .... .. ...   .. ...   __ ___ ._. ... .   ._._ ___ _.. .













































































"Get your Facts Straight........Or your paper won't feed properly"


It's May 20th 1991  and its too hot to handle anything. Our 'Staff' is getting bigger...Soon we'll be able to scare away the snakes only they've all left already.


It's the 26th on June 1991 and I'm just back from Switzerland Yeodall a e ooh. or words to that effect. The people were wonderful the scenery was amazing the food and wine was delicious and the coffee was out of this world. What more can I say. I went to ZURICH, UETLIBERG,KOBLENZ,=ACCROSS LAKE LUZERN, OVER TO BRUMMEN, BERREIT,UP THE SANTIS, TRAVELED ON THE GLACIER EXPRESS,DOWN TO MONTREUX, OVER TO LAUSANNE And a few places in between.


More Students, not Necessarily In order of apperarence

                                       Frank DUNNE

                                       Liam  JONES

                                       Tony Brady

                                       Barry Spellman

                                       Kevin Kenny

                                       Kevin Kenny

                                       Andrew Couldhart

                                       Declan Collins

                                       Kieran DUNNE


ITS Friday 13th of September 1991 Jamie's Birthday is th 30th. The Vax 6320 was brought down for an overhall at 8:00 am and still has not re-appeared.  do do do do do do do do (Twilight Zone Music)well it is the day thhats in it as they say in good old Ireland.

Christmas Orders are Starting newt week, Ill have a Sindy loads of money with free Merc & mansion.....

This is not the end or even the beginning of the end mearly the end of the beginning of Christmas orders. And so be it.

It was brought to my attention that this very script has been ignored during this every so busy period. Well it is now 4:40 and I deem it time to have this prose brought to life.

The lack of pictures in my head may cause difficulties in the artistic realm. On the 13th day of Christmas my true love sent to me 13 Nescafe Mugs or he would have if he worked in Nescafe on the Promotion side of it and the 13th day of Christmas was before Christmas. Yes our long hours of drinking coffee have had a purpose. We sent away and now have mugs from which to drink the Coffee. Throw away Those PAPER mugs and rejoice. Joyce Joyce well despite everything commonly thought or known ... The end wasn't near at all. in fact This is just the beginning of what looks like a long stretch. WITH shares so there



Another year another BEER.


Tempted though I was by  the electric thought of moving the power of inertia had been underestimated and remained the more powerful force.

This also means more education in the form of a degree. Starting on  one of those days beginning with 'the'. I have (at long last) been introduced to the entering of time sheets. but how long the joy will last is still to be established.




No news is good news: News flash: no degree until October and also. no mon no fun. Lets play the waiting game. The early bird actually gets worms. This is my new thought on life. Next time I'll stay in bed. 7-Feb-1992


The cough is going...Slowly as is college but not for me if I had a number to count down to I'd be counting down.


Valentines day 1992 see above for Heart Motif.


If you wait around long enough the strangest things WILL happen. Take for example how easy it is to type with false fingers. Maybe fish fingers again.


One Down Nine to go. 17-feb-1992

My hair was not convinced of it's straight state especially after the three hours spend in the salon on my half day maybe that's why they gave me half a hair do well all I can say is GOLLY.

I have also reduced these lines to 70 Characters.  That's a Character reference. 19-feb-1992 and there’s a date reference.

2-mar-92    no news is good news Áine Is [Catholic] due Today.

23 APRIL 1992 Áine had ruth on the 9th of march, I cycled 118 miles that week to and from the hospital.

5-MAY-1992 RORY'S BIRTHDAY.  SAS is the word and the .....and the motion Sas is the thing I am doing Finely tuned though.

(Flying message ... Ruth born 9th march Liam born 20th may)

Aunty Helen * 4 !!!!!

it's going to be a long time before I'm licensed for anything other than a tv licence. !!!!!

UNACCUSTOMED as I am to being away from the vax for long periods of time I've forgotten where I was. I'm now in the middle of SAS  and a spider could not have created a more diverse and complicated web even if it was versed in the workings of Oracle and dos.


The first reference there was to a certain Party at which we Really out used the hand bag joke (No not the one in "the importance of being Earnest") and seeing as I should be the only one reading this I will not elaborate future except to say that today is  : Sunday 21th June 1992 (or even correct all my spelling mistakes).

WEDNESDAY  19th Aug 1992. Christmas orders has started, Mark fell off his bike or in other words a parked car attacked him in the park. It's not safe to go anywhere these days what with aeroplanes falling on unsuspecting motorists and parked cars jumping out at unaware cyclists who have never even left this planet never mind knowing of any jumping cars or belly flopping aeroplanes Four Score and seven Years ago I didn't Even Exist so We Won't talk about that I went to Tenerife only to turn into Elephant man.  The hospital over there was lovely.  It had air conditioning and MTV not like my apartment.  We met Soracha and Dermot alias tom for those of you who don't speak English. It Is Now 1993 March the Ninth To Be Exact Ruth's Birthday. I was Hocked And Surprised to hear my name from my one and only Niece's lips this morning. I should have given her her Birthday Present Weeks ago !!!! My Family has Come Home . Not to The Large extenuation built for them But Close Enough. Niall Is Giving Baby Sitting Lessons. He Used to be one himself - Imagine That.

It seems that Time Has flown and Seven Months Are missing so here we go to fill in

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, That was a Great Party, One Year Older, Started College, Bought A Car.....

STOP : Import Reference has Been Reached. In November 1992 I Bought A Car . Pause For Car Picture

No I Didn't  Get A LADA it's A Mini but I Can't Draw Very well My Little Mini Is RED with Go Faster Stripes, Radio and Tape Deck and User Friendly Stickers. So there followed the Trip to Castlebar for Mary’s wedding 28th December 1992. to start off with it was snowing, I had not  at this time found the summer winter pin in my car which allowed hot air from the engine to flow through the car, so my windows were getting iced up from the inside!!!!! So we stopped every few minutes to deice, it didn’t make much difference as traffic was only going 10 miles an hour anyway.  The first time we reached a strech of road with no hard sholder, we got a puncture, no problem, just fetch the spare and change it… But I couldn’t find the spanner!!! So we started flagging down cars, the first car that stopped was metric, we were imperial, no not royal, our nuts were in inches, and that’s not being rude, so we waited for a less standardized car to come to our rescue, we changed the tyre and headed forth, we didn’t even get close to being fifth since then my accelerator stuck!! The obly way I could slow down was to take the car out of gear, Slowly the weather improved, the ice inside my car melted, and so too did the ice around my accelerator, and my hand brake – since it started to come away from the bottom of the car. Or should I say banger. Well we reached castlebar eventually and since the wedding was the next day all was well. The trip back took only 4 hours as opposed to 8 hours there – it must have been down hill.

Just when you thought it was save to read to the end of this file somebody starts typing in more.

I was let loose with my own Magazine... Needless to say it went to my head (not such a long way from my toes but never the less made a big impact. I'm afraid (One of those things that must be discussed with a psychoanalyst) that I neglected my old faithful (Not like the Government come Budget time) and concentrated my talents (Pause for Laugh) on the GIIS NEWS. It was probably the easy use of clipart that swung me away from vms and edt. It is now the 10th of May 1994. Yesterday I spent sending messages to the bottom of the Birthday person's screen. We are getting ready for the Anniversary Edition of the mag and to this end I have started the







What's five lines between Friends unless of course they are the lines found in the middle of the road in which case they could constitute a motor way ?

Interloper afoot. Here was the time I split and there will be no future reference to it. It serves me right for not getting my hair cut often enough.  I got Highlights in this time and bought a video camera, Why write when you can film, or not film whichever the case may be. So Mum retired to some fun parties and lots of speeches “well” said C impersonating G “what do you plan to do with the rest of your life???”


June 1994 was the 1st aniversary of the GIIS News, now called the JournaIS&T. That's where we had the five lines.

I Digress, or at least I would be digressing if I was saying anything in the first place.


My friend jen brought me out drinking in August 1994.  we started at Lynches and kept going ‘till we were back at Lynches via Chicago Pizza pie which was having a Happy hour that we had to join since I was so miserable. Then on to the Brazen Head where on leaving I met my long lost (well 7 years) friend Pat from College, He left after the first year. So I went back and who should I meet on the way back in but Mark enjoying a Bud.  We – Jen Pat, Eoin and I headed towards Ri Ra and I invited Pat to my Party. In other news in August 1994 Tom and Camin got married.

I've had my party on the 24th Sep 1994, It was a very confused party but then again what's a party  without a party theme. I'm just going to move this into word.

i am writing this in postumously, even though I don;t have a good idea how to spell that word. I remember New years eve 1994/1995 I spent in kilkenny. We went out which was strange for me on new years eve. Another drive down to kilkenny in my mini, but not with my computer this time. That was the time I went to do some work, but I got sick, very sick. I don't think I've ever been that sick before. Rory brought me of a tour of the kitchen and showed me all the lovely chocolates, then closed the fridge door!!!!!. We tested out Breakfast, It tasted like breakfast to me. I didn't have a round of golf.

06-feb 1995

I have just found this document again and I decided to resurrect it. S was born, S died, R is in hospital. I received an honours degree in Computing Science, Hazel has gone to Seattle. Another one started and bit the dust. and all in the space of four months.  I am continuing this as a text document as that will make it easier to save.

Daragh's next party is on the 9th of Feb., I'm going to Rome on the 15th or maybe I'll bring a map and so I won't have to.

So Now, Jelly babies have been delivered not like Caimin’s baby. Take me back to the black hills and then turn left for Nebraska.  Yes I might be leaving.....My head has been hunted, maybe if I was taller they would have found me earlier. So  it is now the 7th of June 1996, P is doing his final exam and r is finishing maths. J. helped me deliver beer out to the pub on Wednesday and then I went for ice creams and a walk on the pier, Walking off the pier is far too wet. The mag is giving way to the intranet and my Mini blew up last August. Sam was gorgeous and Áine is in France with Declan and Ruth. Guinness has gotten colder than ever shares are at a low £4.59 stg. Caitríona has bought a house but she hasn’t moved in yet.  I had a second chat just checking up. If this does not make sense to you then you’re either not me or you’ve lost your memory,  Don’t worry it wasn’t very good in the first place.

OK Share Check again it’s the 25th of JULY 1996 and also a Thursday.  The Pitch and Putt went very well, well directed you might say even though the hammocks went slightly astray.  Michelle Smith has won 3 GOLD MEDALS for Ireland in the Swimming..... So far and our best medal Hope hasn’t even competed yet. An Olympic Superstar no less, I wonder If we ever will get that 50 meter swimming pool, stranger things have happened but where?  The football (GIG Mixed 7-a-side) is all set for next Wednesday the 31st of JULY. Beer has been ordered and teams have been set.  I accosted a stranger in a federal uniform who walked in without his id showing ,challenged him to a game of football, asked him out for a drink and made him show me his ID then I showed him our other emergency exits. Like you do....... It’s all part of our new security procedures.  Last week We avoided a bomb in city centre CD, CT and I, by visiting a bomb scare in Tallaght, and then home via the mountains, Rathfarnham, Stillorgan, the Rock, Beaumont and Summerhill. Memories of the Friday before just to Beaumont ...Mind you My car didn’t take that very well and by the time I got home it had died a death. Yes I am now mobile if not mentally agile again, 1.7 liter engine and brakes and windows that now work, The altinator is in good shape now as well, I failed in order to give me the opportunity to see Mission Impossible, well as helicopters go it went fast and low and I really enjoyed it.  J was on form last Friday when that visually impaired weapon Hound did it’s best to thrill the masses, after mass d and I headed for buskers the more life changes the more people stay the same, allot of expected lines and unexpected replies well there you go or at least we went onwards to the next place and ended up eventually at our respective bus stops or even on our busses.  Did I mention Woody’s It’s enough to put a frog in your throat.

C is working away she will become one of us yet and I am not referring to her programming skills, HS gave me a make over and A said I wasn’t usually feminine.... loads of mileage in that any more and it would be beating my Renault 21,... Did I mention my recent acquisition, no need for lifts any more but I still got the bus last Friday, I don’t know what I will decide for next Wednesday.  Hudson is coming out of the Blue and G will be competing on all fronts now except lemonade but it will be my duty to taste the cool brew next Friday Week A Mans got to do..... P and I had a walk around Rathfarnham last night she showed me places I hadn’t seen it helps to open your eyes sometimes.

And Deb came back from the other side along

Sayingshas Moved…




When he brings you home to meet his mother.

Not many


only Smarties have the answer

a Walk


Yup I know the Way

911s 1976




Funny Irish Words:

Petrol : Gas

Autumn : Fall

Chips : French fries

Chrisps : Chips

GAA : Gaelic Atletic Assocition

Film : Movie

Telly : TV

Sweets : Candy

Queue - Line



Other Words:

Yup Cha Gi – Side Kick

Harvey – Harvey’s Bristol Cream - Sherry

Hand bags are used for Disco dancing

One Egg- Un oeuf - enough



One man went to Mow, went to Mow a meadow one man and his dog…..

WYSIWYG – unstable toupee

She said SECX!!!

Chancefat Chance

Cape Cod Reference- Boot to the Head

Useless to have no act or manner of using f

From the Latin ũsus  from ũtĩ to use

From old French us


On to Toronto Pronto Tonto



Three coins in a Fountain

Climb every mountain

It’s not the leaving of liverpool that grieves me

It don’t mean a thing if it aint got that Swing

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So What did you expect to Find down here?????